I'm mostly writing this blog in dedication to one of the best people I know. Sincerely, one of the best people I know.
The thing I love about life is how surprising it can be. It gives you these gifts in the strangest ways. Never did I expect to meet this person through my ex-boyfriend. But I did. I got a lot out of that relationship, but I'm most thankful for the wonderful friendship I have.
You see, this friend is the girlfriend of Richard's brother. We hit it off right away, we became allies in a place we felt uncomfortable and awkward in and stuck together. We bonded. I love her. I love her as if she were my sister, which may be super clingy of me but it's true. If I were to ever have an older sister, she is what I would want in one.
I always liked that we were both similar. We didn't come from families like our boyfriends at all, and she understood the dynamic that I came from. She's been working really hard, and now that she is in the real world, her student bubble has floated too high and popped, she is struggling. I hate to see it, and I hate that there's not much I can do except give her empty encouragement that she hears from everyone else.
The worst part about being unemployed is the encouragement, I think. You sit there and watch everyone else appear to be doing so much more with their lives than you are. Because, that is the worst thing about our social media connection. The ability to filter. I personally never post photos of the nights I am lying in my bed having a panic attack or full fledged depression induced meltdown.
I only post good times and laughable Kodak moments. And everyone else is the same, but for some reason it's easy to forget that you are not the only one who filters pictures to make your life seem perfect.
Richard paid for me a lot in our relationship, and I hate that. I wanted to be able to spoil him and contribute to grocery shopping or movie dates. But he would always give me a reason why I should not pay, but I always knew it was because he knew I didn't have much money. I'm sure she is facing that as well.
Of course our boyfriends didn't or don't mind. That's what the people that love you do, they care for you because they want to. If they didn't, well, they wouldn't be with someone who is struggling a bit.
I wish that there was a time, maybe once a week or once a month, when you were able to see yourself from a different persons eyes. I think that would help a lot with self esteem and confidence. We are so numb to ourselves, we stop seeing the traits that make us the beautiful people we are. We would be able to see the trust and confidence we have in the people we love, and maybe that would help us see ourselves in a more positive light.
I'm not sure if that made sense. It's early.
But anyway, I know you're going to read this eventually because you are the only one who reads this blog, but what I'm saying is don't give up. You are thought of so highly, to me and so many other people. Stuart wouldn't be with you if you weren't an amazing person. I mean it. I don't think he would, I don't think he would have been able to survive Europe with you. I don't think the love that I see from him when he looks at you or is talking about you would be there.
It's hard not to get discouraged when there is a void in your life like employment. Especially because of everything else that it brings in, like financial stress, stress about stability. Fear of not being successful, or fear of not ever being anyone.
But you are already someone.
I love you very much. I may not always be great at comforting you, so just refer to this post when I am particularly sucking. And I hope this helps, even if it's the most minuscule amount.
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