Consumed

I gave into a bad thought last night. I'm not proud and I'm very disappointed in myself because of it. 

I can't beat myself up though. This is a hard illness to conquer. Its not going to be a perfect battle. 

I'm also facing some paranoia with people. Convincing myself they don't like me and are only putting up with me in fear of pushing me to some sort of extreme of depression. This friend paranoia is one of the worst parts of my illness. It makes me feel really alone.