On and Off

I am sad, and then I am not. I am angry and also so regretful. Right now, I feel more sad than anything. I've been reflecting, thinking about the future. Like the fact that the next time I kiss someone, it won't be Richard. That thought broke my heart earlier. 

I do think this breakup was good for us. The past few weeks I have been miserable and clearly he has too. But at the same time, I wish he would have talked to me about it. I wish I hadn't been so irritable all the time. I guess I wish it had ended better. I feel a lot of relief though. Things had been different for months. 

As much as I feel mostly okay (aside from occasional bursts of sadness and tears) I am really torn up about it. He was my love. My beb. My Richard. He was my private concerts during car rides, and warmth on cold nights. 

But he also ignored me a lot, and he didn't try to do cute things for me like I did for him. He was negative and often inconsiderate.