Training and tears

Today wasn't the best day for me. I ended up having a pretty severe anxiety attack because of the overwhelming amount of pressure I feel I am receiving from everyone at work. They are putting an immense responsibility solely on my shoulders and it is really stressing me out. Because I am a temp, I am easily disposable and easily replaceable. I feel if I don't improve our numbers, that is what is going to happen. I'm continuing to get bullied my the afternoon supervisor, and now my daytime supervisor is making passive-aggressive comments about me behind my back. I broke down and cried today it was all too much. 

I am thankful though because regardless of the problems I faced, I didn't let them consume me entirely. Other than the anxiety attack, I didn't continue to let it drag in the other bad parts of my life and I didn't let it crush me like a boulder. I was able to calm down, smile and laugh, and enjoy a relaxing evening.

The guy from the party has been texting me, I don't love the conversation. It isn't super stimulating and he's not witty. Disappointing, but another sign to not settle and not to dive into anything romantic so soon.

I planned to call Ryan tonight and tell him I'm not in a place to pursue a relationship but I chickened out. I will try to do it tomorrow. Fingers crossed for me!

Looking extremely forward to the weekend, I'm going up to see Care and we are going to a pumpkin patch with her roommates. I'm not sure the last time I've been to one, if ever I've been to one. (I'm sure I've been to one, right?!) And I think we are going to do some pumpkin carving!! So exciting. I wish I had done more autumn things, like a corn maze or something. Maybe next year?

Also, started my October video. I already really like it, I've been trying to take more scenic and aesthetically pleasing shots to mix with the more social clips and I'm quite happy with that decision. I also am using a Purity Ring song that I'm obsessed with right now. I'm excited for the finished result of October's video, and it's surreal that I don't have that long to wait to be able to make it. 

I'm quite tired, so I am going to hopefully be asleep in ten minutes. I'm going to make the best of tomorrow and walk into the office with my chin held high and my heart open to the small things that make up a day filled with a large amount of happiness. 

Goodnight!