School blues.

It hit me today that in a week I should be leaving for school, that I should be worry about what to pack and how I'll get to school. But I'm not. I'm so unhappy that I won't be returning, that I won't be reuniting with my friends and having people come sit on my bed and talk about the summer. I won't be doing any shoppers drug mart runs with Alex or Alyssa, or decide to get Gino's on my way home from school. 

I don't think anyone can really understand how unhappy I am. How much I think about school and how much I miss it. My friends claim to be able to imagine but it's not the same. I'm so unhappy. 

I hate that depression consumed me and that I failed because of it. That I struggle financially and that gets to me too much. I constantly think about how I could have done so much better if I had only been a tiny bit stronger. What am I doing with my life? I feel like I've messed it up so much. 

I want to cry. I want to be packing for school. I want to be back in second year when I was super happy and doing well, and showing myself I could do it. I want my dad to tell me he can help me and give me money for groceries. 

People don't realize how hard it is to be poor and in university, especially when you can't handle a job. I feel like I could have done so much better. I'm so sad.