I've been stressed about the student debt I accumulated (for no reason, negative me always tells downtrodden self) but this morning I woke up and thought 'Hey Ceese (Ceese is what I call myself in third person), you only have two years of osap to pay off. Do you know how lucky that is?' Because even though two years is still a lot of money, plus a bank loan, it isn't as much money as some people have or even if I had done a full five years of university that I was going to be doing. Did osap screw me over this year by rejecting me? Yes. Did they screw me over in the long run by rejecting me which lead me to being poor and worried about money and was a late trigger to my depression which made me drop out and open up new doors? To be determined. Did they save me from borrowing one more years worth of money I don't have? Yes. Thank you osap.
Am I going to have a luxurious life with an infinite amount of money to spend? No. Can I have a comfortable life with love and friends and family, and maybe some luxurious things? I sure can. I just need to work on it.
It's a lot tougher, figuring out your life without resources like a car or license, internet, direction and guidance from parents. But it's possible, I need to start extending my boundaries of help-seeking. Maybe one day I should actually ask Richards mom for help, who seems to be a fountain of advice for these situations.
It's a huge disappointment when I get home after a long day and find my fridge empty and my parents at the bar, and I feel lonely because I have few people to turn to in Brampton. But I have a gym membership which I hope to put to good use, there's a Starbucks not too far of a walk away. I can look into investing in a bike! I have possibilities. I have opportunities.
I have a life worth living for, I just have to start making it work for me.
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