Home is really hard.

It's also really hard talking to my friends about anything in general. Most of them have really good lives and I get jealous and mad. The other day I literally left a hangout because everyone was talking about the G tests and I was just there like "I have no car. My family has no driveable car. My license literally expired." It really fucking sucks being poor.

It's also hard to like, listen to people complain without getting jealous/angry? Which is incredibly unsympathetic of me but... I don't know. I'm sick of being the only one who hasn't traveled anywhere, I'm sick of not having any help with my debt or financial struggle and being the one helping my parents with theirs, and I hate that my jealousy is there. I hate that I'm worried about school in September solely because of financial struggle, which is the only struggle that impedes me academically it seems. I don't want to work, and if I do I don't want to live at home and go to school because as selfish as it is - I know that I'm going to help my dad somehow and it's going to stress me out even more.

I like my life, I really do. I think I'm lucky in many ways but my life is also just super shit in a lot of other ones. I'm angry all the time when I'm home because my house is falling apart and it smells like pee all the time because my dog is left alone for so many hours of the day that he pees in the house. We have bills we're struggling to pay, my room is cramped and small and I can't afford to make it how I want it to be which depresses me. I work so much and I'm so tired and so is my brother and my dad. If I'm not angry, I'm depressed. I'm taking this out on my dad most of the time which isn't fair.

I'm just unhappy at home. I wish I could leave but again... can't afford that.