My weekend.

It was short and went by too quickly, but it was wonderful none-the-less.

Friday night I went to a local pub with some friends from work, and I had a few vodka crans and a shot of vodka. I am responsible and know my pace and limit and didn't get too drunk though.

I worked Saturday morning which blows because the five hour shift really cuts into the weekend and makes it significantly shorter.

Richard picked me up from work and we decided to go to Playdium. It was really fun at first but there were probably two things I thoroughly enjoyed which was Time Crisis 3 and air hockey. So, it got pretty boring rather quickly and we were there for probably two and a half hours. Still, it was a good experience.

The rest of the day was spent watching television and movies while the rain poured down. I love it when it rains, it makes snuggling on the couch so much better. And I also don't feel guilty for doing it. We decided to get Swiss Chalet for dinner which I had no regrets about. It was delicious. We watched Jurassic Park and I told Richard I love him.

It's been running through my mind for a while now, and by that I mean since January, but I mean the urge to say it. I just really appreciate him and I love him and spending time with him. I just couldn't wait any longer. But it was really scary. I don't know, even though we used to say it all the time this second chance at a relationship feels different. Because it is. I was afraid he wouldn't say it back. He did, obviously.

He said it again when we were settling in for bed, said "I love you. I love you so much." Which was nice.

Today we did what we did yesterday, which was spent all day watching television.

I just had a nice, relaxing weekend.

Took some pre-sleep selfies 

Also did a Zumba class tonight. It was so hard really great!! It was hard to keep up with the instructor. His moves were very hip hop dance-oriented. A lot of SOCA music and belly/butt shaking. 

I only did fifteen minutes of my half an hour yoga because I was so tired. 

I really just want to lose 15-20 pounds. Sigh. 

Had a good day though. :) really happy. 

This past weekend was really fun. For Lo's birthday we went axe throwing and had a BBQ. Here are some photos from that 

Today, I went to yoga for the first time. It was very relaxing and at times challenging which I enjoyed. I'm going pole dancing tomorrow, so all in all a fairly active two days are to be had. I'm hoping to keep up the physical activity. Get in shape and whatnot. 

Home is really hard.

It's also really hard talking to my friends about anything in general. Most of them have really good lives and I get jealous and mad. The other day I literally left a hangout because everyone was talking about the G tests and I was just there like "I have no car. My family has no driveable car. My license literally expired." It really fucking sucks being poor.

It's also hard to like, listen to people complain without getting jealous/angry? Which is incredibly unsympathetic of me but... I don't know. I'm sick of being the only one who hasn't traveled anywhere, I'm sick of not having any help with my debt or financial struggle and being the one helping my parents with theirs, and I hate that my jealousy is there. I hate that I'm worried about school in September solely because of financial struggle, which is the only struggle that impedes me academically it seems. I don't want to work, and if I do I don't want to live at home and go to school because as selfish as it is - I know that I'm going to help my dad somehow and it's going to stress me out even more.

I like my life, I really do. I think I'm lucky in many ways but my life is also just super shit in a lot of other ones. I'm angry all the time when I'm home because my house is falling apart and it smells like pee all the time because my dog is left alone for so many hours of the day that he pees in the house. We have bills we're struggling to pay, my room is cramped and small and I can't afford to make it how I want it to be which depresses me. I work so much and I'm so tired and so is my brother and my dad. If I'm not angry, I'm depressed. I'm taking this out on my dad most of the time which isn't fair.

I'm just unhappy at home. I wish I could leave but again... can't afford that.

from tumblr

Honestly... I'm not really okay? Home is depressing and it's hard. I just want to get out. We are fucked and I don't think things are ever going to be okay or comfortable. 

And I don't know how I'll ever be free of it. 

Helped Richard move out of his apartment. Wasn't going to initially but he asked and I'm a nice girlfriend. 

Spent the first half of Saturday working and the second half moving. My body aches and I'm tired and I have a headache. Not looking forward to the next week of work. I really just want time off. 

Today we mostly relaxed. I can never really relax relax at his parents house though. I always feel guilty and like I'm doing something wrong. Something I really dislike about going there is how much Susan enlists us to do things. Like walk the dog or do something in the garden or other things. And it's not even just one of those items. It's usually all. 

I'm all for being helpful but it's my weekend and I would like to relax  

Something productive I did today was save a bird. It was trapped in the pole of their canopy thing they keep on the deck. In guess it had flown in from the top of it. But we all worked together and set it free. 

 I'm exhausted now. 

Goodnight. 

Here is a mini rant. 

I don't think I'm hipster. I think I like fashion and put more effort into how I look and dress and that is somehow translated to hipster?