I feel so overwhelmed in a way. It's easy to be social in the winter because everyone was usually in one place and it was cold and you sort of had the hibernation excuse. Working 9-6 sucks because most of my evening is done by the time I get to my final stop. I have to prioritize one thing and sacrifice anything else I had to do, like laundry or grocery shopping. I'm going to be starting the 7-4 again soon which will suck for the early morning but be so wonderful for the after. 

I had planned to go home and do some laundry and just really chill. Sit in my bed and watch YouTube videos. But then Leighanna and Caroline wanted to hang out, which was fun for the most part but left me with no time to do anything. 

I'm just really bad at being social right now. By the time I'm done work I don't want to do anything. I went to a party on tuesday and I used a lot of energy to really be outgoing and charismatic. 

I had a great weekend and I am sad to see it go. I want to have one more day of being lazy. Sigh. 

Friday started off with me sleeping over at Richard's. We had planned a hang out with our friends, Grant and Kathleen. Grant is in Richard's program and Kathleen is his girlfriend. They're really awesome people and we all get along really well. Kathleen and I had heart-to-heart bonding moments. 

We all stayed out till about 12/1ish and then went back to the apartment. It was so past my bedtime and I was exhausted, I ended up falling asleep in Richard's lap. 

The next morning we got up early and drove to the beach. The day was beautiful!! Sky was blue, it was warm with a bit of a breeze and everyone just seemed happy. We walked on sand, sat at a bench and then walked around. We found this one spot that had a spot of sand in the water and then rocks everywhere else and it created a beautiful aesthetic. 

Here are some pictures from the beach. 

We went for slushies and then decided to go to ikea

On our way to ikea Richard suddenly said 'we should go to Niagara Falls. We're basically there.' 

So this happened 

And finally, to make a full day even fuller we decided to go and see Sierra and Stuart. At that point my phone was dead so I got no photos, but we went for dinner at a really delicious restaurant. 

I felt bad because I was so tired by the end of the day I don't think I was much fun. I will go another time soon and make up for it. I'm glad I got to see Sierra, even if briefly, and even if I was falling asleep. 

Had a great night last night! Hung out with Ryan and Leighanna. 

I love Ryan so incredibly much. He just gets me. I don't know. He's wonderful and I'm incredibly thankful we met four years ago. 

Birthday in the city

It was Richard's birthday last night. We celebrated in Toronto with his parents, Stuart, Sierra, Chris and Wynne. 

It was supposed to be a pub crawl, but our plans were thwarted when all the pubs seemed to be full with lineups. Which happens, it was a great day and everyone is excited about the good weather. Once people get used to the idea that warmer weather will be staying, there will be less excitement to get outside and pub crawl. 

 

We settled in at the bier markt. The drinks were good, but I found the food mediocre at best and considering the cost of the food... I'm not entirely sure that's acceptable. 

It was a nice evening though and I'm grateful to have been part of it. 

It was also really nice to be able to spend time with Sierra, whom I don't see often. 

There's something nice about being able to giggle with your best friend behind a menu at dinner. It's surreal and one of those small luxuries in life that you take advantage of I think. 

I've been fighting with a lot of self-esteem issues lately. 

Whenever I look at myself I rarely feel pretty, and I'm always convinced I'm fat(ter than my skinny self) and gaining rapid weight. 

For instance, the above photo was just taken by Richard. It was originally a snapchat and he said 'this is nice, I'm going to save it' 

And all I could see was a big waist. 

Deep down, my rational self knows I look quite small here. But I can't get those thoughts to win. 

I also hate my hair. It does nothing. And it makes my face look fat. 

Yesterday was Kaitlyn's birthday pub night. 

It was really small at first and the music was quiet enough that you could have a conversation so I enjoyed the beginning a lot. 

But later in the evening brought more people and louder music, which is usually when pubs stop being fun for me. 

Overall it was a good night, Richard came for a bit and then we headed back to Aurora. 

i'm crying so much it hurts because

a) watched a walk to remember

and 

b) i just want a normal home life you know

my life has been so hard.